Wanting to please others seems like a beneficial quality, but it can lead to issues in your life. It’s okay to disappoint people once in a while when it means you can do the things you want to do.
Psychologists say that letting people down is part of setting healthy boundaries in your life. You might give into many things you don’t want to do out of fear of disappointing someone, but it shouldn’t be about that. When you do something only to avoid disappointing others, it wastes much of your time and energy.
Many people experience stress and fear trying to please everyone around them. However, this urge comes from a feeling of personal fear over being let down. Your natural desire for peace and empathy makes it hard for you to turn things down, but you must remind yourself that it’s okay to disappoint people sometimes.
Why It’s Okay to Disappoint People Once in a While
You might want to make everyone around you happy, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to disappoint people sometimes.
1 – It’s Not Natural to Please Everyone
Experts say that being a people pleaser is a learned behavior. Children learn from an early age to be obedient and compliant, and they see adverse reactions when they don’t do so. Adults often react critically when a child doesn’t please them, and that lesson sticks with people forever.
As these people become adults, the learned behavior doesn’t become any less prevalent. Employers expect you to take on anything without questioning the reason, and you often aren’t allowed to say no.
These situations make it hard for us to accept that it’s okay to let people down sometimes. However, remember that it isn’t natural to go along with everything, so get comfortable with saying no.
2 – It’s Good for You
While being friendly is usually a good thing, it becomes detrimental when you never disappoint anyone. Some people will take advantage of you if they know you’ll never let them down. They might request unreasonable demands that give them more power over you.
Never saying no to someone creates issues because you never get what you want out of the relationship. You’ll continue being accommodating, only to have the other people ignore your requests or desires.
When you constantly give in and never put yourself first, it suppresses what you want in life and creates frustration, anger, and sadness. It also sometimes causes financial issues and mental health problems. Giving in to others cause you to lose sight of what you want to achieve, hindering your progress.
Some of the signs that you should disappoint people sometimes include:
- Thinking that you don’t want to do something as you say yes
- Going along with the wishes of others even if you don’t want to
- Pretending everything is okay when you’re unhappy
- Feeling bad for standing up for yourself
- Apologizing when things aren’t your fault
- Not doing what you want because you’re doing other things
- Feeling intense guilt at the idea of letting other people down
- Losing belief in yourself or not knowing who you are anymore
- Feeling unappreciated or taken advantage of
- Never receiving reciprocation
3 – Never Disappointing Others Leads to Self-Disappointment
While you want to help others so that you don’t disappoint them, it causes you to disappoint yourself. Giving all of your time and energy to things you don’t want to do sets you up for failure and pain. It makes it hard to be yourself and live authentically.
Plus, using all your time on other people and situations can leave you in a bind. When you’re overwhelmingly busy, it can lead to making mistakes and missing deadlines.
When you give all of your time to others, you don’t have any left to invest in yourself. You don’t have to keep living for other people where there is a world of possibility out there to explore.
It’s okay to disappoint people sometimes because it’s how you can live your life passionately. Speaking up, prioritizing what’s important to you, and taking care of yourself should always take precedent. Your life won’t always align with others, and you won’t always want or be able to do things.
4 – The People Who Matter Will Understand That You Might Disappoint Each Other Some Times
You can still be mindful and empathetic as you disappoint others. The people who mean the most to you will understand when you can’t be there for every little thing.
In genuine relationships, you can comfortably ask for what you want, count on others, and trust people. These things are all essential to living a healthy, fulfilling life. You might not want to disappoint the people you care about, but it’s necessary sometimes.
5 – The Other Person Might Not Be Thinking About You at All
When you’re worried about disappointing someone, you’re likely not considering everything. Sure, the person might have a fleeting thought of the change, but it might end there. You could be spending time guilt-tripping yourself while the other person isn’t even thinking about you.
Keep this thought in mind the next time you don’t want to do something. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t think about you throughout the day.
If You Feel Like You Disappoint People, Here Are Some Tips to Make Positive Change in Life
Disappointing people is unavoidable if you want to experience your journey. It will help with growth, self-discovery, authenticity, and overall fulfillment. These tips can help you put yourself first and determine who and when you must let down.
1 – Think About What’s Important to You
If you had to prioritize the people and things in your life, it would be a clear sign of who to let down. Once you’ve prioritized, think about how much you’ve missed out on because you won’t disappoint anyone.
You could have focused more time and energy on the things and people at the top of your list. However, that time went to less important things instead. Prioritizing and considering how things could be different helps you feel confident about saying no to people.
2 – Practice Being Honest and Saying No
The more often you practice saying no, the easier and more natural it becomes. People-pleasers will struggle the most with this, but you must force yourself to do it if you want to improve your life. Decline requests to do things you’re not interested in and don’t be afraid to remove items from your schedule.
3 – Set and Enforce Boundaries Now So You Don’t Disappoint Others Later
When you know what you want and need, you must set boundaries. Be open about your limits, and enforce them no matter who you’re dealing with. Don’t let people push the limits, or they’ll begin taking advantage of you.
4 – Don’t Be Afraid to Speak Up
Many people are afraid to ask for what they want or need and miss opportunities. They don’t want to disappoint other people or themselves, so they stay quiet instead. However, you never know when the person you speak to will respond positively.
You’ll never get what you want in life if you are afraid to ask for it. Don’t worry about disappointing someone by advocating for yourself.
5 – Start With the Easy Answers
When a situation is presented, you likely have an initial reaction to the opportunity. Listen to your gut feeling and be honest about your thoughts.
If you don’t want to do something, don’t be afraid to say so. Don’t go along with anything that you can easily say you don’t want to do.
6 – Use Your Intuition
Sometimes you’ll initially be okay with an opportunity, but you start second-guessing it. If you start getting a bad feeling about the experience, it might be best to back out. Listen to your intuition every time because it could save you a world of trouble or wasted time.
7 – Consider Things You’re Unsure About
If you aren’t sure if you want to do something or not, it’s okay to say so. You don’t have to give a definitive answer each time someone suggests an idea. Instead, be open that you’re undecided, and the other person won’t be as angry later.
Additionally, saying you’re unsure can help you if something comes up. If you know you have to work that morning, don’t give a definite answer just in case things run longer than you expected.
8 – Let It Go
Once you know who to disappoint and what to take off your schedule, it’s time to let it go. Don’t waste time worrying about how the person will react. It’s best to get it over with and tell the other person that things won’t be going as they’d hoped.
Once you tell the other person, don’t guilt-trip yourself about it. Let it go so that you can feel better and move on to things that you want to spend time on.
Final Thoughts on Experts Explain Why It’s Okay to Disappoint People Once in a While
No matter how hard you try, you will always disappoint people in your life. You can’t do everything and be everywhere, so, inevitably, disappointment occurs once in a while. However, you don’t have to feel bad about it because you’re allowed to prioritize other things.
Remember why it’s okay to disappoint people the next time you get asked to do something you don’t want to do. Put yourself first and do what you want to do. You only get one life to live, so make it meaningful and fulfilling.